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Tennessee Marriage Laws

–Bride & Groom must appear together

–Proof of age and social security number is required

–Anyone under 18 must meet the following requirements:

–Have a certified birth certificate with both parents’ signatures

–If parents are divorced, the parent with custody of the child must sign and bring divorce papers establishing custody

–If one parent is deceased, a death certificate or newspaper clipping must represent their ID

–Anyone 15 years or younger must receive a court order

–No blood testing or waiting period is required

The license can be issued in any county and the marriage can be performed in any county in the State of Tennessee. The license is valid for thirty days. The fee is $95 cash. If you take an approved four hour counseling course ( see GET MARRIAGE RIGHT in Wedding Ideas ) you will get a $60 credit. For further information you should contact your town clerk’s office




Planning The Perfect Wedding With Love

As a one time Mother-of-the-Bride I can personally attest that every bride, regardless of the size of the wedding, needs help in planning and executing the days and events prior to the wedding as well as the actual W-Day! I was blessed that my daughter worked cooperatively with me in planning her wedding, but she will confirm that we needed a professional wedding and reception director/planner for the big day. It's not good for the body to dismiss nature's calls for ten hours because there just isn't any time to fit that duty into the day!

After my experience as MOBWP/WD (Mother-of-the-Bride, Wedding Planner/Wedding Director) I can wholeheartedly encourage every bride to seek help with the planning and preparation of the most memorable event in their life to date. A trained wedding coordinator/director can not only bring experience, patience, and organization to the table, but they WILL save you time and money!

If you are still skeptical and think that you (or poor Mom) can do it all yourselves let me take a moment to remind you that it is time consuming on the wedding day to make sure that everyone not only knows when to arrive at the wedding location but that they do arrive and if they aren't dressed then they need to know where they can go to accomplish this and then what time to be where for pictures. If the bride and groom wish to be "apart" until the actual ceremony there is some orchestration involved in this and it is rough going without a coach/referee/director/coordinator/friend/seasoned professional to take the lead and make the day magical, wonderful, and stress-free for the entire wedding party. Whew! That's quite a lot and I was referring to only one hour of the day-imagine all the details that need attention before the wedding, let alone on the actual big day.

Plan It With Love (or if you can’t use me – then substitute “A certified wedding coordinator/director”) will work with any budget and any size wedding. There is no “too small” wedding for any planning and/or directing and absolutely when considering a medium to large wedding you absolutely must have help. When you begin your consultation with a professional coordinator they will find out what YOU want your wedding to be – serious and formal, whimsical and fun, or casual and family-oriented. A professional will guide you through the decisions that must be made and they will tell you when these decisions need to be made from the biggest decision – where and when to have the ceremony – to the smallest detail of “something old, something blue….”

While it is true that there are books out there that you can consult for guidance, again, I am citing my own experience when I tell you that a book is not going to be able to find the groomsman that wandered off, line all the attendants up sixteen times, pin on corsages and boutonnieres, and assure a timid flower girl that she can walk down that aisle because mommy will be waiting for her when she gets there. And yes, you can probably find an answer to the question about how to cut the wedding cake and should you have a train bearer on the Internet – but one call to your wedding planner will save hours of surfing the web – more time to plan your future life together. It just makes sense for you to concentrate on the “big picture” – where you will live after you are married (will you rent or will you buy), where will you go on your honeymoon, etc., rather than worrying if your bridesmaids know when and where to be for the rehearsal and rehearsal dinner and did they pick up their dresses and matching shoes, and who is going to bring the guest book to the reception, and will the guests know about the special wedding favors your grandmother made by hand?

Enjoy this day – you deserve to have a stress-free moment in your life – this is your “Queen for the Day” opportunity – let a professional pamper you and help you make your dreams come true. The first consultation with a wedding planner is free – go for it!


Courtesy of Peggy Love

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Planning Tips: Selecting the Perfect Veil

Here are the terms you will need to know

Ballet-length – Also known as the waltz veils, they end at about ankle length.
Cascade - It is several layers of veiling, of varying lengths, to give a waterfall effect.
Cathedral-length - It falls three and a half yards from your headpiece, so it will trial several feet behind you.
Chapel-length - It is the same as Cathedral-length veil minus one yard.
Flyaway - It is made up of several layers of fabric that just hit at the shoulders.




Wedding Planner

One year before Wedding

• Discuss the Wedding Budget with both sets of parents
• Choose the date (have a second choice-just in case)
• Arrange to meet the clergy who will perform the ceremony
• Check out and book entertainment and reception halls. Start exploring for caterers and florist

Six months before the Wedding

• Book photographer, videographer, cake decorator, and caterer.
• Start assembling guest list…tell your fiancé’s family to do the same
• Choose and inform your attendants-order Wedding/Bridesmaid Dresses
• Register for China, Crystal, Linen, Flatware, etc.
• Discuss Honeymoon plans with an experienced travel agent

Four months before the Wedding

• Help select groom’s tux
• Complete guest list and order invitations (don’t for the guest book)
• Book Honeymoon (passports-shots)
• Shop for wedding bands
• Register for pre-marital classes
• Meet with musicians and select music
• Finalize the wedding cake details
• Finalize the details of your catering and reception menu

Two months before the Wedding

• Book make-up and hair consultation (remind your attendants to do the same)
• Address invitations, RSVP cards-mail (Invitations should arrive six to eight weeks before the wedding.)
• Arrange Limousine or other transportation for the wedding party
• Fitting for wedding gowns-arrange bride maids fittings

 One month before the wedding

• Final dress fitting
• Purchase grooms & attendants gifts
• Write and send thank-you notes as gifts are received-keep a detailed list
• Schedule rehearsal dinner and notify attendants
• Confirm details with caterer, florist, photographer, musicians, etc.
• Confirm hairdresser and make-up

Two weeks before the Wedding

• Review transportation arrangements
• Continue thank-you notes

One week before the Wedding

• Check on details with caterer, florist, photographer, musicians, limo, and all other suppliers-confirm time.




Checklist for Your Stationery Needs

Invitations

Reception Only Invitations

Response cards & Envelopes

Ceremony Programs

Seating Place cards

Napkins

Marriage Announcement cards

Thank- You Cards

New Address Announcements

Stamps

Calligraphist

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How to Word and Address Your Wedding Invitations

Wedding invitations do much more than let your friends and family know where and when you and your fiancé will marry. Invitations set the tone and formality of an event, and give your guests the information they need to know about who is hosting the wedding and what style of ceremony to expect. Wedding invitation etiquette can be daunting, but fear not! The following guidelines should assist you in selecting just the right words for your special day:

• The first line of your wedding invitation indicates who is issuing the invitations, which is traditionally done by the bride's parents.

• Jointly issued invitations – those issued by both sets of parents - as well as invitations issued by the couple are also acceptable where appropriate. See the examples that follow for suggestions.

• If the wedding invitation is being issued by the couple, the first line should include the couple's names, bride first, or may begin with “Together with their families”.

• Always include the full names, including middle names, of the bride, groom, and parents.

• Spell out suffixes such as "Junior" as opposed to using “Jr.”.

• Use roman numerals “III” instead of “the third” and higher.

• Do not abbreviate other titles, such as “Doctor”, “Captain”, or “Reverend”.

• You may use “Mr.” in front of the groom's name, if desired, on most wording styles.

• You may use “Miss” or “Ms.” in front of the bride's name when her full name including last name is used. This is optional as well.• Using “requests the honour (or honor) of your presence" is appropriate when the wedding will take place in a religious location or house of worship (i.e. church, synagogue, temple, mosque, etc.).

• Use “requests the pleasure of your company" for non-religious weddings or those held in secular locations (i.e. park, city hall, parent's house, etc.)

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>>Use wording similar to the sample below for weddings in religious locations where the bride's parents are issuing the invitation:

Mr. and Mrs. James Charles Goodwin
request the honour of your presence
at the marriage of their daughter
Christine Anne
to
Mr. George Steven Gardner
on Saturday, the twelfth of February
two thousand and five
at one o'clock in the afternoon
St. Joseph's Church
3588 East Washington Road
Monument, Montana


>>Use wording similar to the sample below for weddings in non-religious locations where the bride's parents are issuing the invitation:

Mr. and Mrs. James Charles Goodwin
request the pleasure of your company
at the marriage of their daughter
Christine Anne
to
Mr. George Steven Gardner
on Saturday, the twelfth of February
two thousand and five
at one o'clock in the afternoon
Germantown Lake Park
6895 West Lake View Boulevard
Monument, Montana


>>In some cultures it is appropriate to list the names of the groom's parents on the invitation, as shown below.

Mr. and Mrs. James Charles Goodwin
request the pleasure of your company
at the marriage of their daughter
Christine Anne
and
Mr. George Steven Gardner
son of
Mr. and Mrs. Charles Edward Gardner
on Saturday, the twelfth of February
two thousand and five
at one o'clock in the afternoon
Germantown Lake Park
6895 West Lake View Boulevard
Monument, Montana

>>If the couple is issuing the invitation, use one of the following:


Miss Christine Anne Goodwin
and
Mr. George Steven Gardner
request the honour of your presence
at their marriage
on Saturday, the twelfth of February
two thousand and five
at one o'clock in the afternoon
St. Joseph's Church
3588 East Washington Road
Monument, Montana

- OR -

Together with their families
Christine Anne Goodwin
and
George Steven Gardner
request the pleasure of your company
at their marriage
on Saturday, the twelfth of February
two thousand and five
at one o'clock in the afternoon
Germantown Lake Park
6895 West Lake View Boulevard
Monument, Montana

>>The wedding invitation should be worded as shown below if the groom's parents issue the invitation.

Mr. and Mrs. Charles Edward Gardner
request the honour of your presence
at the marriage of
Ms. Christine Anne Goodwin
to their son
George Charles Gardner
on Saturday, the twelfth of February
two thousand and five
at one o'clock in the afternoon
St. Joseph's Church
3588 East Washington Road
Monument, Montana

>>Use wording similar to the following when both sets of parents are hosting the wedding/reception.

Mr. and Mrs. James Charles Goodwin
and
Mr. and Mrs. Charles Edward Gardner
request the honour of your presence
at the marriage of their children
Christine Anne Goodwin
and
George Steven Gardner
on Saturday, the twelfth of February
two thousand and five
at one o'clock in the afternoon
St. Joseph's Church
3588 East Washington Road
Monument, Montana

>>When the bride's divorced and remarried parents co-host the wedding, recognize both parents as follows:

Mr. and Mrs. Robert Jenson
and
Mr. and Mrs. James Charles Goodwin
request the honour of your presence
at the marriage of
Christine Anne Goodwin
to
George Steven Gardner
on Saturday, the twelfth of February
two thousand and five
at one o'clock in the afternoon
St. Joseph's Church
3588 East Washington Road
Monument, Montana

>>When the bride's remarried mother and husband (not the bride's father) host, notice that the bride's last name is included:


Mr. and Mrs. Robert Jenson
request the pleasure of your company
at the marriage of Mrs. Jenson's daughter
Christine Anne Goodwin
to
George Steven Gardner
on Saturday, the twelfth of February
two thousand and five
at one o'clock in the afternoon
Germantown Lake Park
6895 West Lake View Boulevard
Monument, Montana

>>If the bride's mother is hosting, and she is divorced and not remarried, choose one of the following:

Ms. Samantha Stewart Goodwin
(maiden and married surnames)
or
Ms. Samantha Stewart
(maiden name)
requests the honour of your presence
at the marriage of her daughter
Christine Anne Goodwin
to
George Steven Gardner
on Saturday, the twelfth of February
two thousand and five
at one o'clock in the afternoon
St. Joseph's Church
3588 East Washington Road
Monument, Montana


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Envelopes:

When you order your invitations, you will likely order two sets of envelopes, an inner envelope and an outer envelope. Both envelopes should be addressed, the outer with the full name and address of the recipient, and the inner with just the names of the invited guests. Use these guidelines to make your envelopes picture perfect.
• Always hand address envelopes; do not type or print labels to affix, even if font face is script-like. If you do not have nice handwriting, enlist the help of friends or consider hiring a calligrapher.

• The return address may be pre-printed on the back of the outer envelope and should be the address of the person(s) issuing the invitations.

• Spell out all parts of the address - Street, Drive, Boulevard, etc., as well as city and state. Use numbers for the house number and zip code.

• Always use full names – “Mr. and Mrs. James Johnson”, or “Doctor and Mrs. James Johnson.”

• When inviting unmarried couples who live together, address the envelope alphabetically by last name.

• Same-sex couples follow the same rule as unmarried couples that live at the same address – list them alphabetically by last name on the envelope.

• Do not put “and Guest” on the outer envelope. If the invitee has a significant other or partner, find out the name of the partner and add it to the invitation. Mail the invitation to the address of the person you consider the closer acquaintance.

• You may use “and Guest” on the inner envelope if you are allowing a guest that is not a steady person in the invitee''s life.

• Using “and Family” on the inner envelope is only appropriate where you are inviting the children who are under 18. Children over 18 should get their own invitation, even if they live in the same household as the invited parent(s).

• Inner envelopes should be written with the names of the guests only, and may include just the surname rather than the full name (i.e. “Mr. and Mrs. Johnson”, “Ms. Gordon”, etc.)

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Response cards:

• Response cards provide a convenient way for your guests to indicate whether they will be able to attend your wedding. It is often helpful for your response cards to include a “Please respond by” date.

• Response cards should have the address of the person(s) issuing the invitations pre-printed on the front.

• Always include the postage on the response cards return envelope.

Reception Cards:

• Reception cards are generally used when the reception is at a different location or is later in the day. Otherwise, you can just add "Reception immediately following" to the end of your invitations.

• If your reception is formal, specify “Black Tie” on the reception card.

• If the caterer requires that guests select their meals prior to the reception, it is acceptable to provide a checklist of available dishes on your reception cards.

Maps and Directions:

• If you feel you must include a map or directions to your wedding or reception, make sure that you order them with your wedding invitation order so that the paper, print and style will compliment your invitations.

• Do not hand-draw directions and put photocopies into your invitations; this will cheapen the look of your invitations.

By following the above-described rules of etiquette, you will help to ease your worry and lower your stress, knowing that your invitations convey the right message. And less stress is certainly a good thing for all engaged couples at this hectic yet wonderful time.


Courtesy of Viveca Park

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Credit Tips for Newlyweds

Taking a few minutes to check your credit report and credit score gives you the knowledge you need to plan for your future together. As you merge your lives and your finances, here are a few things to keep in mind:

* Notify creditors if you change your name. They will update your name with the credit reporting agencies when they next report your account information.

* Share your credit reports with each other. If either you or your spouse-to-be has had trouble getting credit alone, try setting up a joint account to capitalize on your shared income and the other person's stronger history. The joint account will be reported in each name so each credit history will benefit from a positive account paid as agreed.

*Check your credit scores. According to Experian's National Score Index (www.NationalScoreIndex.com), the national average credit score is 675; for men the average is 673, for women 680. NationalScoreIndex.com also lets you compare your credit score to the average in your state and local area.

* If you discover that your credit history is not as good as you would like, you can take steps, such as paying your bills on time or paying down debt, to make it less risky.

* Keep in mind that your credit report is always changing based on information provided by creditors. It is important to check your credit report regularly, so you can stay on top of changes before they impact your credit rating. Consider signing up for a credit monitoring product, such as Experian's Triple Alert (www.TripleAlert.com), which provides daily monitoring of all three of your national credit reports and sends email alerts that report key changes.

These simple steps will ensure that your credit history will speak in your favor when you need it.

Learn more about credit at www.NationalScoreIndex.com.

Courtesy of ARA Content




Reduce Your Stress Simply
Planning a wedding can be stressful for any couple. Creating a wedding list, arranging the reception, shopping for a wedding gown and other little details can be overwhelming. The good news is that you can do certain things to minimize and even eliminate feelings of stress.

Practice deep breathing. When we’re stressed, our breathing is often shallow and short. Practice this deep breathing exercise for two weeks three times a day for 15 minutes to help change your breathing pattern and reduce the symptoms of stress: Put one hand on your stomach and the other on your chest. Slowly breathe in through your nose, hold it for a couple of seconds and then slowly exhale through your mouth. To insure deep breathing slowly inhale as much air as you can into your stomach.

Imagine a peaceful, relaxing place. Sometimes when we are in stressful situations, it is helpful to visualize being in a relaxing place. It helps our minds to clear, the tension to leave our bodies, and enables us to recoup our emotional and physical strength.

Manage your time effectively. When you’re not getting everything done, you’re going to feel stressed. Prioritize what you need to do to be ready for your wedding day. Give more time to the activities that are important and less time to those that aren’t.

Think realistically. Sometimes our negative thinking makes things seem worse than they really are. For example, let’s say your wedding planner appears to have an angry look on his face and you conclude that he’s angry with you. The truth is he might be stressed out for reasons of his own. Look at the facts before you jump to conclusions.

Laugh. Laughing releases endorphins, which are natural substances in your body that can help reduce stress. Call a funny friend; watch a comical movie, read a book of jokes.

Let go of the things you can’t control. Many aspects of our environment are beyond our control and stressing about them wastes our time and energy. For example, you can’t change how other people drive. Remind yourself to be realistic about what you can and can’t control.

Exercise. Exercising regularly is one of the most effective ways of reducing the built up tension in your body. Some examples of exercises include bike riding, weight lifting, swimming, and jogging. To keep you motivated pick an exercise program that you enjoy and incorporate it in your daily schedule.

Maintain good eating and sleeping habits. When you don't eat or sleep right, your body feels stressed. This is true even when you don't have anything-stressful going on in your life. Your body will naturally feel worn out and will have a difficult time engaging in daily tasks.

Create a relaxing home environment. Your home should be a place where you can refresh and rejuvenate yourself. You don't need to remodel, just accessorize the space to create a stress-free oasis. Soothing accessories can include pictures of loved ones, fresh or scented flowers, plants, indoor water fountains, artwork, and health and beauty magazines.

Do something pleasant for yourself. Taking a break from planning the wedding can help minimize feelings of stress. Get a massage, have dinner at your favorite restaurant, take a hot bath, go for a nice walk, have a picnic at the park, or curl up with a good book.

Excerpt from Life’s Little How To Book by Jaleh Donaldson, a self-help book with easy-to-understand tips, now available at Amazon.com, Barnes & Noble and Borders.



Courtesy of Jaleh Donaldson
Author/Life's Little How To Book




Seven Secrets To A Great Toast

* Make the speech short.
* Stand to give a toast, remain seated to give one.
* Prepare ahead of time ~~~ know what you are going to say.
* Mention those you are toasting by name, your relationship to them.
* Add witty anecdotes whenever possible.
* Speak slowly and loud enough for all guests to hear.
Don’t forget to cap off toast with a hearty “Cheers!”

At the Rehearsal Dinner

• The best man toasts the bride.
• The bride toasts the groom.
• The Groom Toast’s the bride’s mother.
• The bride’s father may toast the groom’s parents.

At the Reception

• The best man toasts the bride & groom
• The Groom toasts the bride and her family
• The two fathers toast the bride and groom
• The bride & groom toast each other!

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Home Sweet Home Easy Relocation Tips

Congratulations--- you and your spouse are moving into your first home together.
Even with help from professional movers--- moving can be overwhelming.

By following a few helpful moving tips, you can make the load a little lighter and lessen the chances of letting your excitement about a new home get lost within the rummage. Following are some tips to help you get started.

 • Make a list of addresses and phone numbers of utility companies, newspapers, magazines and any other publications to which you subscribe. You will need to inform them about your move.

 • Get a free change-of-address kit from the post office. For extra flair when informing friends of your move, send specially designed change-of-address cards or create your own and personalize them using rubber stamps or stickers. Or to make it much easier, send emails with this information

 • Make sure you have plenty of boxes on hand. First pack the things you don’t use or need right away, and move them in early. Anything you can take care of ahead of time will make the moving day easier. Remember to label boxes so you know what is inside each one.

 • Consolidate as much as you can. Wrap fragile items in towels, linen, tissue or thick layers of newspaper. Use smaller boxes for heavy items like books.

 • Before you start unpacking make the bed. Moving can take days, but this way you’re guaranteed a good night’s rest, no matter where you leave off your unpacking. And, you’ll be better rested for the next day’s work.

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Irish Wedding Blessing

May joy and peace surround you both, contentment latch your door, and happiness be with you now and God bless you evermore.



Irish Wedding Tradition

In the early 1900's, an Irish couple would walk to church together on their Wedding Day. If the people of their parish approved their union they would throw rice, pots, pans, brushes and other household items at the couple as they approached their church. Today, hen parties (Bridal Showers) have replaced this practice. Some Irish people wear a claddagh ring for a wedding ring. This ring was created by a master goldsmith, Richard Joyce, 400 years ago in a fishing village called Claddagh overlooking Galway Bay. The claddagh symbolizes love, loyalty, and friendship. On the right hand with the heart facing inward it means the wearer's heart is unoccupied... facing outwards reveals love is being considered. When worn on the left hand facing outward it signifies that the wearer is seriously committed or married. There seems to be confusing and conflicting ways of wearing the claddagh ring, here is an alternative interpretation.
The way that a Claddagh ring is worn on the hand is usually intended to convey the wearer's romantic availability, or lack thereof. Traditionally, if the ring is on the right hand with the heart facing outward and away from the body, this indicates that the person wearing the ring is not in any serious relationship, and may in fact be single and looking for a relationship: "their heart is open." When worn on the right hand but with the heart facing inward toward the body, this indicates the person wearing the ring is in a relationship, or that "someone has captured their heart". A Claddagh worn on the left hand with the heart facing outward is often a sign of being engaged, and the ring on the left hand facing inward toward the body generally indicates that the wearer is married.
At some Irish wedding receptions, the Groom is lifted in a chair ("jaunting car") to celebrate that he is a married man. For good luck, the newlyweds are given a horseshoe to display in their home in the upward position. A traditional Irish wedding cake is a fruitcake. Traditional Irish toasts (in addition to remarks from the Best Man) are very popular. Irish Marriage Blessing; May God be with you and bless you; May you see your children's children. May you be poor in misfortune, Rich in blessings. May you know nothing but happiness, from this day forward.



Irish Wedding Trivia

A fine day means good luck, especially if the sun shines on the bride
Those who marry during harvest will spend all of their lives gathering.

A man should always be the first to wish joy to the bride, never a woman.

Salt & Pepper shakers are a lucky wedding gift.

No one in the wedding party should wear green, it's the color of envy.

The newly weds should always take the long road home from the church

It is bad luck if a cup or a glass is broken on the wedding day.

The bride shouldn't put on her own veil; a happily married woman should do the honors.

It's lucky to marry during a 'growing moon and a flowing tide."

When leaving the church, someone must throw an old shoe over the bride's head so she will have good luck.

If the bride's mother-in-law breaks a piece of wedding cake on the bride's head, they will be friends for life.

A horseshoe nailed over the newlyweds' door (pointing up like the letter 'U' ) will ensure the couple's life together will be lucky.

A bride and groom should never wash their hands in the same sink at the same time~ it's courting disaster if they do.


An Irish Wedding Toast

May you both live as long as you want, and never want as long as you live!



A Celtic Wedding Song

He is now to be among you at the calling of your hearts,

Rest assured this troubadour is acting on his part.

The union of your spirits has caused you to remain,

for wherever two or more are gathered in his name, there is love.

Well a man shall leave his mother and a woman leave her home,

Then shall travel on to where the two shall be as one.

As it was in the beginning, is now and ‘til the end,

a woman draws her life from man and gives it back again, there is love.

Well then what’s to be the reason for becoming man & wife,

Is it love that brings you here or love that brings you life?

For if loving is the answer, then who’s the giving force?

Do you believe in something you’ve never seen before, there is love.

The marriage of your spirits has caused him to remain,

for wherever two or more of you are gathered in his name,

there is love ~ yes, there is love.


Keeping the Sizzle in Your Marriage

The secret to a happy marriage is for the couple to maintain the sizzle in their relationship. There are simple things a married couple can do to keep that sizzle alive.

Pay attention to each other's needs and wants. In fact, you should compete to make each other happy! If you both make it a point to become aware of your spouse's wants and needs and then do your best to satisfy them, even if it requires some personal sacrifice, you're guaranteed to have a happy marriage.

Appreciate your spouse as often as possible. Pleasing, loving words will make your spouse feel good about themselves—and you. Some examples are: "I love you." "I enjoyed the dinner you cooked." "You look handsome/beautiful." "You did a wonderful job keeping things clean." "I love it when you're on time."
Follow up your words with loving actions. Surprise your spouse with flowers, love letters, gifts, favors, a romantic dinner, tickets to a game or anything else you know they would appreciate. Have fun and be creative.

Take each other out on a date. Just because you're married doesn't mean you should stop dating. Keep the excitement of dating by planning something fun to do at least once a week. Some examples are having a romantic picnic at the park, going out to the movies, taking a day trip or getting massages at a local day spa.

Spend intimate moments together. Avoid ever letting the passion fade from your marriage. Physical intimacy brings two people closer together. Sometimes it may be difficult if you're tired, busy, or preoccupied. But don't let your problems or energy level stop you— make time to be intimate anyway. Make an appointment if necessary. I know it may sound silly, but at least that way you know you're both committed.

Explore new activities together. Life offers many options and opportunities. A couple can help maintain the sizzle in their marriage by frequently incorporating new life experiences. So find activities you both like and do them—anything from dancing to going to the opera to traveling around the world.

Keep your promises and agreements. When you say you're going to do something, make every effort to do it. Broken promises and agreements can only lead to feelings of frustration, disappointment and mistrust.

Be there for your spouse. When your spouse is hurt, sick, or just having a bad day, be supportive. Listen, give feedback if they want it, take care of them and help them according to the situation.

Work together as a team. You're equal partners in this marriage. Neither spouse should dominate. Make decisions on matters of mutual concern together, and be prepared to compromise when you're unable to agree.

Excerpt from Life’s Little How To Book by Jaleh Donaldson, a self-help book with easy-to-understand tips, now available at Amazon.com, Barnes & Noble and Borders.




An addition to the wedding planner list


Many brides-to-be are poring over their wedding planners and there is a crucial item that is left off of many lists. While booking the caterer and choosing a photographer, most women don’t even have gynecologic health anywhere in their calendar. Now is the time to get this important detail taken care of.
Let me share a story about one of my patients who came in for a quick exam the month before her wedding. Her exam was pretty routine, however, her pap smear came back with an abnormality. We rushed her in for follow up and it turned out that her situation was serious enough to warrant outpatient surgery. We did manage to schedule her surgery before the wedding, but her recovery time required no intercourse for six weeks. You can imagine that this put a real damper on the honeymoon.
This is a perfect example of why scheduling your gynecologic exam prior to a wedding, needs to be done several months ahead of time. If we find a problem, we can work it out well before the big day.
Other considerations are birth control options. If a bride prefers contraception, it is a lot easier to be sure that we find an option that works for her if we have a few months. The week before your wedding is not the time to find out that your pill makes you throw up.
Many women want to avoid their menses during the week of their wedding and honeymoon. If we have several months to work on it, we can usually accommodate this preference. It is very difficult to assure a good outcome if we only have a few weeks to alter the timing of someone’s cycle.
Finally, if the individuals who are getting married have had any prior sexual partners, it is a really good idea to get screened for sexually transmitted diseases. Early screening can help to avoid any misunderstandings later in the marriage when such a diagnosis can raise questions of faithfulness.
So for all of you who are getting married this spring, or know someone who is, be sure the wedding planner has a notation about a gynecologic exam. It’s not as much fun as taste testing the cake, but it really is best done sooner than later.



Tina Jackson is a Women’s Health Nurse Practitioner
865-386-4568 or e-mail tinajmail@yahoo.com




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